Philip Said:

Is this a good essay for my college app?

We Answered:

Hmm..nice essay but a little too wordy. Also your thesis is very unclear. The first paragraph should answer the prompt straight forward. What issue is important to you?

Joan Said:

Help with College Essay!!?

We Answered:

Well 500 words is generally 5 paragraphs, so pick 3 things that make you unique like running cross country and track and discuss how you want to reach people/peers through it (like school spirit).
My essays were pretty simple, I moved around a lot growing up so I used diversity.
Good Luck!

Jesus Said:

Essay help. Best answer 10pts. Okay?

We Answered:

intro is a worded a little weirdly but the rest of it is really good!!!!!

Violet Said:

URGENT! NEED HELP proof read my scholarship essay~~PLEASE HELP ME!?

We Answered:

My name is Chung-Chiang Kao, I am a senior at Ohio State University. I am majoring in Aviation Management and Operations Management though the Fisher College of Business. I have chosen this academic degree to help me achieve my short-term goal of becoming an Airport Manager. At the same time I am taking flight training at Ohio State University Flight School. I currently have approximately 70 hours of total flight time. I will keep taking flight training and hope to ultimately become a commercial airline pilot.

I am an active member of Alpha Eta Rho (co-ed aviation fraternity), we are always looking for opportunities to educate more people about the aviation industry. I took the board member position for the Aviation Spring Conference, trying to attract more people to aviation (I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO SAY HERE). I also helped to found the OSU chapter of American Association of Airport Executives. I volunteer to conduct airport tours for younger kids at Ohio State University Airport, hopefully to inspire them to want to learn more about aviation.

Since I was a young man, whenever I see an airplane in the sky, I dream of the day I could be in control of these magnificent beasts. Before ariving in America from Taiwan, I did not have an opportunity to learn anything about aviation. Becomming a pilot is an almost impossible dream because of the lack of aviation/flight schools in the country. Since my arival in this wonderful country, I have discovered that anything is possible if you pursue your dream. I am currently living a small part of my dream flying civil aircraft. If my finances allow I would like to get my instrument rating, CPL and CFI. I have been taking more than 6 classes (20 credit hours) for the past 3 quarters, so I don’t have much time to work. However since I am an extremely hard working student, my GPA for the past 3 quarters is around 3.5.
My goal is to make the aviation environment better and safer. Aviation is a unique industry; airports and airlines are struggling to make a profit. (HOW ARE YOU GOING TO HELP THEM MAKE MONEY?) Also I want to let more people know about how great the aviation industry is and draw more people to help to make the industry better.

My parents have been paying my tuition, along with that of both my sisters. However recent problems have meant that I am now forced to pay my own living cost and for my flight training. Flight training is extremely expensive and a massive burden for a college student. As I said earlier I have been taking more than six classes for the past three quarters. I have undertaken this high workload in the hope I can graduate earlier and some tuition money. It would be of immesurable help if I could raise the money I need to continue flight training thus allowing me to concentrate more on my school work and less on money issue.

I hope after finishing reading this essay you’ll have a picture of who I am - a man with a dream and a desire to change the aviation industry for ever. Thank you for your time and your consideration.

Julia Said:

I need help with a scholarship essay?

We Answered:

This line is awkward: "therefore I didn't participate in many activities that required be me to come in after "