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Summer Programs For High School Students 2010

Arlene Said:

People to People Student Ambassador Program?

We Answered:

mine was exactly the same, only not as awesome as yours. Do you live in CA? Or some other state? I'd love to go to where you're going to.

It's not exactly because of your grades.

Isaac Said:

can someone please read my personal statement?

We Answered:

Just a few general things (fix those and then get someone to fix your grammar and other details):

The main thing this needs is better organization. Try to get three focused paragraphs out of it. Building off of what you have, it might look something like:

1. why you want to be a nurse
2. what your volunteer experiences have taught you about nursing, and how they influenced your decision to become a nurse (the example you give about talking to the patient is good, it shows that you're a good listener and understand the "people" side of nursing)
3. why you want to go to UIC

Clean up everything that doesn't fit into this basic story. You can do without all your "I" stuff in the middle (activities, awards, describing your personal traits; all of this should come out in other parts of the application and is distracting here). Watch out for starting too many sentences with "I" and watch out for clichés. Your best parts are your stories and examples: playing with medical sets as a kid, watching nurses save a patient's life, listening to a patient. These three things tell so much more about you and your passion for nursing than all the rest combined. Keep those and pare down the rest to make your message more coherent and powerful.

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