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Conquest Student Housing

Erika Said:

What do you think of the introduction of my story?

We Answered:

Not bad, and you definitely have the potential for good writing, but like the others said a few sentences were awkwardly worded and verbose when they didn't have to be. For example, "a recollection of the previous week’s events would reoccur to her mind" doesn't really make sense. You could just as easily say "she recalled the previous week's events" or "the previous week's events flowed back into her mind." It doesn't sound as fancy, but it conveys the idea better and in more simple terms.

This sentence: "At least it was the summer and today was her birthday, at least she could leave the past to the past , yet Annabelle had never felt so alone, her mother was hardly ever at home and she was left in charge of the house," is a run on. You're expressing a few separate thoughts here that aren't joined by conjunctions. It would be better to break this up into two sentences, or even three.

Also make sure to properly put quotation marks around parts that are spoken or thought. And try to do more showing instead of telling. Don't fall into the info dump trap! You come right out and tell us a lot about Annabelle's life, when it would serve you better to illustrate it with a memory or an anecdote.

Anyway, good luck, I think if you make some improvements you'll have a good story on your hands.

Milton Said:

Some have suggested that Yazid ibn Muawiya should not be found guilty....?

We Answered:

I don't get what your point is. What are you trying to prove?
The question is about Yazeed, but the info about the son of Umar Farooq...

None the less, the blessed son of Umar was certain that these people were in the plot to kill Umar. The apparent does seem to indicate this way. Qamazban the son of Hurmuzan mentioned his father knew about Abu Lulu the accursed's plans but merely warned him. Why did he not warn the Caliph?
However, Islam is just. Ubaidullah was put to trail and most of the Sahaba, including Amr bin Aaas agreed, he give diyah. Ali agreed with them later.
In Islam if you kill some, you are either killed or the inheritors can take money from you in return. Read the Qura'an.

As for Yazeed, we have no respect for the one that causes grief to the people of Madinah.
Was he 'involved' in the murder of Husain, the flower of the Prophet? Allah knows best. We do not speak about people, what we don't know.

[2:141] That was a people that hath passed. They shall reap the fruit of what they did, and ye of what ye do! Of their deeds there is no question in your case.

Alas, you invite us to unite and we say:
The day you stop cursing the blessed Sahaaba [the stars brighter than the night stars], we will embrace you.

Elizabeth Said:

What do you think of the introduction of my story?

We Answered:

I connected with the third paragraph on. But "Ho" was a concept in my HS days (30 years ago), but after "Sex in the City", "Political Correctness (demanding women have the right to be men...even in the 'thinking out of their zippers' catagory), and women talking openly of their sexuality, sexual exploits being tauted in coffee shops and social networking sites...I don't think "Ho" is a concept anymore.

But I am not a "young, dumb and full of c*m" teenager from todays world.

The first to paragraphs make me feel I am listening to a whiner of epic porportions. It turned me off until the third paragraph.

The first two paragraphs detail and more explaination, I think. I don't know why the friends are bored, much less why or what it has to do with Annie, for instance.
And what is a "lusty double"?

Edith Said:

How is chateau sera studio at Conquest student housing?

We Answered:

I was there for a few months two years ago- it was very nice. I think they just renovated the whole building, so it should be even better now.

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