Tyrone Said:

Is this ok for a personal statement, i am in year 11 and just about to go to college?

We Answered:

Hi Kadie, you've done a fantastic job, you are honest and believable and seem very genuine. Like eiremanne says, I would change the bit that says hanging out, there are 2 other things I would change - firstly, don't say 'I have not really made any ambitions yet', I would just take that bit out,and delete the word 'pretty' all the way through - just say you are good at things, it reads better that way. Other than that, its really great, well done! Best of luck.

Jackie Said:

I am going to university in sheffield hallam in september and it will cost a LOT! i have been offered a free?

We Answered:

Uni is more about the social life than the education.

Moving out for the first year is a good idea - it is the time when you'll make friends etc, and you'll find that most people make closest friends with the people in their halls.

After the first year you'll find that everyone is moving out in to different houses and so you won't feel as though you are missing out as much. You'll also have more friends who you can crash at after a night out.

You don't say how far from the uni you'll be living. If you need to drive in every day or it is a trek on the train/bus then this will also impact your social life.

Also, if you will be keeping your part-time job at home if you live there you will probably miss out quite a bit as a result of that (you will always be rushing back and forth).

You should be able to find a part-time job once you get there if you move out and you really want one.

I realise that this probably doesn't help much. I moved out for undergrad and then have been living at home and working part-time for my post-grad and I felt I missed out on a lot especially as it took a while to commute- I did manage not to get into too much debt though. They's no way I'd have done it for undergrad though.

Hope that helps.

Andrea Said:

I am looking for a job...could you give me some advice about this?

We Answered:

Register with a temping agency. It's a good way for students to get part time work. A lot of places don't really want students because they know that it's not permanent but temping agencies will defo get you in.

If answering to some full time job adverts sometimes it pays to bend the truth a little ( just to get your foot in the door) cos they don't want students. If they think you're gonna stick around come September, you'll have more opportunity. When Uni starts up again, you just bag the money and run!!

Pamela Said:

Is this ok for a personal statement? I'm in year 11 and applying for college soon.?

We Answered:

Seems pretty good. I wish you would have censored the personal info before posting.

I noticed fulfill seems to be spelled wrong, is the way you have it correct for Canada/UK?

White space also makes things easier to read.
Try to identify some of the longer sentences and make them more bite-sized. People read shorter sentences more thoroughly.

Be more confident in what you say. Try seeing how any sentence with "I think" in it sounds if you remove that phrase.

Do you have to incriminate yourself? I know it's good to be humble, but you really should be tooting your own horn here. Obviously you can't overinflate achievements, but don't call yourself distracted (for example).

Even though I used a parenthetical statement above, don't do it in your submission. It's kind of like saying "ignore the part in parentheses."

Rather than saying that you haven't made a choice yet, I'd just say you are open to several career possibilities if you agree with that.

BTW, everybody wants to pass their classes and be paid well, I don't know if that's worth mentioning.

When you look to the future, don't focus on what you can get, focus on what you hope to contribute.